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[29 Dec 2004|07:23pm] |
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you know what screw it...i dont know how to make it friedns only but i don't care who knows how i feel...my new fucking lj is flawlessfuture...add me
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[26 Dec 2004|06:44pm] |
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mood |
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i was told not to read something...but being me i did anyway...i really kind of wish that i didn't read it...it made me all jealous again.
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[25 Dec 2004|12:16pm] |
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MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL!!! I kno that i had a good christmas i got some good gifts...and i gave some good ones as well...smile everybody
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[23 Dec 2004|04:35pm] |
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i just want someone to love...and to love me in return...why can i not find anyone to love
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[20 Dec 2004|09:11pm] |
You Are a Visionary Soul |

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness. Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connect to your soul. You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable. Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings.
You have great vision and can be very insightful. In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself. Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend. You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer.
Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul
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Your Element Is Air |

You dislike conflict, and you've been able to rise above the angst of the world. And when things don't go your way, you know they'll blow over quickly.
Easygoing, you tend to find joy from the simple things in life. You roll with the punches, and as a result, your life is light and cheerful.
You find it easy to adapt to most situations, and you're an open person. With you, what you see is what you get... and people love that!
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[20 Dec 2004|08:58pm] |
 E:Your Beauty lies in Mystery. Captivating, mysterious and alone. You are the girl in the little black number that no one seems to know, the eternal mystery girl. You make it a point to never let anyone know more about you than you want them to and do a very good job of it. You're there one minute and gone the next leaving them in wonder of who you really are. A mature and normally calm individual, quiet and enjoy spending many hours of the day on your own, most likely preferring night to day . You love the dark and some may find you a bit strange. You seem to be rather distant and cold making hard for people to get close to you, though you probably like the distance they usually keep. You probably wear make-up, but concentrate more around your eyes than anything. You know the effect you have and enjoy keeping people in wonder.
Some Things That Represent You:
Element: Dark, Water Animal: Panther Color: Black, Maroon, Dark Tones Song: In The Shadows by The Rasmus Expression: Sly Smile
Gemstone: Black Diamond Mythological Creature: Demon, Vampire Planet: Venus Hair Color: Black Eye Color: Garnet
Quote: "In the shadows for all time."
Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::.. brought to you by Quizilla
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[18 Dec 2004|09:16pm] |
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im in ny for the weekend...woohoo...away from my problems and troubles lol...actually nvm i dont really have any of those at home now either...haha...i wicked wanted to visit my friend amanda but i forgot where she moved too :-(...boohoo...o well...next time im sorry amanda
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[16 Dec 2004|07:57pm] |
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i made the right decision last night...i said good bye to the one girl that had been bugging me for like 3 years...i said good bye for good...but i think i am thinking about it too much because i have wanted to tell her for the longest time...and now it feels wrong...maybe its just cuz i feel bad because i dont like hurting people's feelings...o well...i'll just give up on guys...i kno i dont need one...but obviously i want one...so i am just going to give up on them...they always bring me down anyway...i mean...i just want someone to love...and to love me back...i dont like chasing people i have lost my interest in playing games
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[15 Dec 2004|07:25pm] |
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take a fucking walk in my shoes...no one is ever there when i need them to be...i fucking need someone to vent to that i can tell absolutely everything...but i don't know anyone that i feel comfortable crying on their shoulder...even though i know a bunch of people that would allow me to do that...i lvoe you all...i haven't cried in forever...why now
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[14 Dec 2004|10:03pm] |
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this feeling just comes and goes as it pleases...it is corrupting my life
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[10 Dec 2004|03:38pm] |
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see this...this is me caring...
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[09 Dec 2004|12:03am] |
hooray for being boreddd
Have you ever . . .
[x]been drunk. [x]smoked pot. [x]kissed a member of the opposite sex. [x]rode in a taxi. [x]been dumped. [X]shoplifted. [ ]been fired. [x]had a job. [x]been in a fist fight. [x]snuck out of your parent's house. [ ]been arrested. [x]stole something from your job. [ ]celebrated new years in times square. [x]went on a blind date. [x]smoked a cigarette. [ ]gone on an airplane by yourself. [x]broken a bone. [ ]had sex in a car. [X]White lied to a friend. [ ]had a crush on a teacher. [ ]celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans. [ ]been to europe. [x]made out in a movie. [x]taken caffiene pills. [X]been to disney land/world. [X]had a crush on someone you hardly knew. [ ]been to california. [x]been skinny dipping. [X]regretted something. [ ]peed on someones lawn. [x]skipped school. [ ]thrown up from drinking. [x]lost your sibling. [ ]been butt nekked bangin on the bathroom floor. [x]kissed a member of the same sex. Don't fucking ask. [X]been in a car accident. Fender Bender. [x]partied for days and days straight. [X]had a family member die. [X]played 'clue'. [X]had a sleepover party. [X]went ice skating. [ ]dropped x. [x]been cheated on [x]had a boyfriend/girlfriend. [ ]had a threesome. [ ]had a sweet sixteen [ ]had a quinceanera. [ ]had a car. [ ]drove.
Do you...
[ ]have a bf. [ ]have a gf. [x]have a crush. [ ]have a dog. [x]have a cat. [ ]have your own room. [ ]listen to SLAYER!. [ ]paint your nails. [ ]play a sport. [ ]play more than one sport. [x]watch sports on tv. [x]have a fav. group/singer/artist. [x]have more than 1 best friend. [x]get good grades. [x]play an instrument. [x]have slippers. [ ]wear boxers. On occasion. [ ]wear black eyeliner. [ ]like the color blue. [ ]like the color yellow. [ ]cyber. [ ]claim. [ ]like to read. [x]like to write. [x]have long hair. uhh..long-ish [ ]have short hair. [x]have a cell phone. [x]have a laptop. [ ]have a pager.
Are you... [ ]ugly. [ ]pretty. [x]ok. [x]bored. [x]happy. [ ]bilingual. [x]white. [ ]black. [ ]mexican/puerto rican. [ ]asian. [ ]short. [x]tall. [ ]grounded. [ ]sick. [x]lazy. [x]single. [ ]taken. [x]looking. [ ]not looking. [x]talking to someone [x]IMing someone. Even tho I am really not supposed to be. [x]scared to die. Scared to die young. [x]sleepy. [x]annoyed. [ ]on the phone. [x]in your room. [ ]drinking something. [ ]eating something. [x]in your pjs. [x]ticklish. [ ]listening to music. [ ]homophobic. [ ]racist. [ ]emo
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[03 Dec 2004|05:09pm] |
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i would rather cry for my own bad feelings...than for yours...
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[01 Dec 2004|10:21pm] |
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you kno what fuck you fuck this world fuck me fuck my friends fuck everything i fucking just wrote my feelings in this fucking journal and i fucking got kiked off the fuckign internet can you fucking tell im wicked fucking pissed...because all i fucking say is fuckin...fucking nuts i just fuckign wrote how i felt and how pissed i was and y and it was fuckign erased of thise fucking LJ o my fucking god...i am fucking crying and im fucking ready to kill someone...why can i not just fucking stop...i am sick of this fucking shit...there are some ppl that are not there for me when all i do is be there for them and there are ppl that are there for me...which with my luck are never available when i need them...i quit every drug and bla bla bla and i have become a fucking slacker...i haven't been able to fucking focus or any of that shit....fuck fuck fuck i fucking hate this...my comp connecting is a cock sucking slut...i am so fucking pissed i hte this fucking feelign that you want to destroy yourself...i also fucking ahte how everytime i am kiked offline i am in the fucking middle of something...i fucking hate crying but guess what too abd im a fucking emotional so thats what i do i cry...i live to write and i live for ym music...and then when ig et a bf i will live for him to and as long as he lives for me i will be happy...i do not need a bf i jsut want one...because i have friends but they do not return the favor...not all of them...some do...and like those few kno who theya re cuz every time they reply to my posts i tell them tht they are one of those ppl im fuckign going to be up all night reading and that shit because i need to finish hw and i need to fucking calm down before i go to fucking bed...im so fucking going insane im ready to fucking kill something cuz this fucking world is too good for me...im not good enough to live in this world...i give the ones i love advice and i let them kno my opinion and then they go off and do the exact opposit...either she stops drgus and that shit or i stop hangin with ehr...i just want ehr to live a good life...and she apparently doesn't want to...but what the fuck...i mean everytime i try to walk away from ehr somehow i am fucking dragged back...holy shit it says fuck in ehre a fucking lot...o well..fuck it...but o myy fucking god...i mean i kno life isn't supposed to bee asy..but i didn't think it was fucking gonna be this hard...and like i always put my friends feeligns before mine..so if any write feedback to this that there are other ppl with problems in the world...dont you fucking think i kno that...my god...im not the only eprson in the world and i kno tat...there are many many many others...i do actually take time out of my fucking life to find out how other's lives are going and tot ry to help them and anyone tat didn't kno that....doesn't kno me at all...and i fucking do thigns for myself so if i tell u i like someone or hate someone...they will fuind out by me...dont fucking go running your mouth..i dont need ur help with my relationships with anyone...because tats not me...i do not take help..but like come on...i am not a fucking liar...but y do ppl think i am...like yea im from NY i lived there for almost 9 years..complete truth hence the fucking accent occasionally...i mean believe w/e the fuck you want to believe but tell others what to believe or wat to be opinionated on...i am opinionated on posers and shit so if uckign write about it...and she told me tat i should be opinionated on what matters..thats not her fucking choice...she is not my fucking mother...just someone that i care for and want her to be happy...there is nothing fucking wrong with caring..unless the times have changed once again
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[30 Nov 2004|07:44pm] |
 You're Meg
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[30 Nov 2004|06:50pm] |
Z - Zodiac sign: Libra Y - Yummy food: chicken. X - X-rays you've had: teeth (at dentist) ear (my bro threw a snowball at me and the backing of my earring got stuck in my ear) U - Unknown fact about me: im really not all that crazy T - Time you wake up: 5:15 S - Song you sang last heard: Best I Am-Flaw R - Reason to smile: i am loved Q - Quotes you like: "in a world of confusion i have finally found my place." P - Phobia[s]: being completely alone with no music and no friends...and just nothing... O - Oldest sibling: Lindsey N - Number of siblings: 4 M - Mom's name: Karen L - Longest car ride ever: To washington state from NH J - Job title: Dunkin Donuts worker I - Instruments: Guitar H - Hometown: Amherst G - Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: neither...they are narsty F - Favorite song at the moment: Best I am- Flaw E - Easiest person to talk to: Jamie...Jared...yea thats it D - Dad's name: Michael C - Career in future: a writer or some sort but not a journalist B - Band listening to right now: Flaw A - Age: 15
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[30 Nov 2004|03:31pm] |
i was reading in a magazine..that love is not finding that perfect other..but finding someone imperfect and seeing them perfectly...and that is the complete truth...i adore that saying...
i do not believe that there is love for everyone...i do not believe everyone will find that 'perfect' other...but i do believe everyone will find someone...no one can be alone forever...love is not what someone tells you it is...love is what you believe it to be...i am searching for love..and i will be until i find it obviously...maybe i have found it...but the feeling hasn't been returned...but i will not kno until the feeling is mutual..yes i do 'love' people...but i am not in love with them...i totally understand what it means now..i do not think of them every second of the day...i do not dream about them...for they are family...but i am always searching...
maybe i am one fo those that does not find love...but finds a signifigant other...
i wish to become a writer...i wish to become a women of many words...i wish to become a women that i am proud of...maybe i will be alone...but not forever...maybe i will turn out to be a women tht i hate...but it seems i am already on the right track so i think i am set...
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[28 Nov 2004|06:02pm] |
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IM SICK OF LIVING THIS LIFE ALONE!!!!
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